Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
