fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
