I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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