eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
false alarm. still invincible.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
