Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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