is your mom at the bar?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
