pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
