dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
