You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
