do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
