Need sex. Gaining weight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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