i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
