Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
