glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My dick has a subreddit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
