I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
