Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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