It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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