Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
