Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
