It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
