Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
