i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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