I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize