If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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