So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
