On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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