Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
