you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
