I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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