Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
