Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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