Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
