If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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