At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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