Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
