mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
