I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
