Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
