Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
