I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
not ubering you a puppy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
