i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Green mimosas i think yes
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
