Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
