1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
