Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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