Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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