just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
