Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
