I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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