Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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