If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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