Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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