I showed him my bush... on skype.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
