I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
