my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
