i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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